Delivering bad news: reframing
Bad news is hard to say: you either soften it until nobody understands or blurt it out. Here you tell the same facts three ways, then say a real piece of bad news you need to give.
You overslept and got to an important meeting just as it was ending.
the mistake and its price: exactly where it went wrong
Don't do what I did. It all started when…
Tell it through 3 frames out loud
- 1Choose the type with the switch above the card: SITUATIONS (“You lost your wallet in a strange city”) or HEADLINES. Read the card and get the facts.
- 2Under the card are three frames picked for this particular story. Press the first one: it shows what to focus on and gives you an opener, your first line.
- 3Tell the whole story in the first frame: a situation in the first person, a headline as a news report. Keep the facts; change only the delivery and the conclusion.
- 4Switch to the second frame, then the third. Each time from scratch, from the very beginning. Three versions, three different conclusions, the same facts.
- 5Finally, a real case: a piece of bad news you need to give a colleague, a client or someone close. Say it aloud so the facts stay honest and the conclusion gives the person something to hold on to.
tip · The conclusion and the frame set the genre and the meaning. The same facts, three frames. It's both a defense against manipulation and a way to influence people.
check yourself · The three versions stir three different emotions and lead to different conclusions, from the same facts.
Why it works
How news lands depends on more than the facts. “The project failed” and “we found out early what doesn't work” can describe the same thing, and the listener hears two different stories. The frame is the part you put first and the conclusion you draw.
Most people use one frame for everything: gloomy, joking or defensive. Telling the same story in three frames shows you that you have a choice and lets you make it before you speak, not after. The last round is real news you have to give: honest facts and a conclusion the other person can hold on to. It also works the other way: you start to notice when someone else is framing the facts for you.
Common mistakes
- Changing the facts. A frame changes the delivery and the conclusion, never what happened. A happy detail that wasn't there is spin, not a frame.
- Changing only the last sentence. Each frame needs its own opening and its own focus from the first line.
- Hiding the bad part. Even in the hopeful frame, say plainly what went wrong, then where it leads.
- Keeping the same tone in all three. If the funny version sounds like the dramatic one, the listener won't hear the frame.
Questions
- How do I deliver bad news?
- Say it early and plainly, in one sentence, then give the frame: what it means and what comes next. People cope with bad news better than with vague news.
- How do I give bad news in a positive way?
- Don't change the facts; change what you put first. Lead with what's still possible or what you learned, but don't skip the bad part.
- Isn't reframing a form of manipulation?
- It becomes manipulation when facts are hidden or changed. Here the facts stay fixed. Knowing how frames work also helps you notice when someone uses them on you.
More exercises
- Cut down a presentation: the elevator versionTell one detailed story in 5 minutes, 2 minutes, 30 seconds and one sentence, then cut a talk of your own the same way. A 10-minute drill.
- Say it tactfully: three shadesDescribe one thing neutrally, negatively and positively, then say a remark to a colleague or friend all three ways. Practice for 1, 3 or 5 minutes.
- Win an argument with questionsRead a news headline and ask one sharp question out loud that casts doubt on it, then a follow-up to the likely answer. 1, 3 or 5 minutes.